Many of you have sent in Remembrances of Mary. I am capturing them here so we can all share. If you have more, please send them in. I will not use full names but I may include locations for clarity.
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Pat & family, my thoughts & prayers are with you. Mary fought a courageous battle these past months. May she rest in peace now, and we can all look back with wonderful memories.
I have only known Mary a short time, helping out with travels to & from Stanford. she was a truly remarkable lady. Seeing these pix are a great testament to a truly remarkable lady.--Gayla
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Hi Pat, I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. Though I was not lucky enough to spend much time with Mary, I feel like I know her really well. The stories, and vacation picures you shared, brought us closer to the woman you love.
My one "Mary memory" is her citrus fennel salad. She had brought it to John's BBQ years ago, and that was the first time I had eaten fennel! She was nice enough to share the recipe, and I have been making it ever since. I even planned fennel in my garden so I could have a steady supply.
I cannot begin to understand how hard this must be for you, just know that she is always looking out for you.
Sending our prayers your way. --DB
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Oh Pat, I am so sorry that you lost her. No one could have provided more love and care than you did. One thing I will always remember is that while you worked very hard on the PLC project, meetings absolutely could not run late on nights when you and Mary had dinner plans, and her birthday (as well as the jewelry shopping before her birthday)took precedence over any work commitment. I've always admired what a priority you were for each other, and the joy you had in showing us the pictures from your many adventures. You truly were meant for each other. I'm sending you my love and prayers.--Nancy
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Pat & family, my thoughts & prayers are with you. Mary fought a courageous battle these past months. May she rest in peace now, and we can all look back with wonderful memories.
I have only known Mary a short time, helping out with travels to & from Stanford. she was a truly remarkable lady. Seeing these pix are a great testament to a truly remarkable lady.--Gayla
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Hi Pat, I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. Though I was not lucky enough to spend much time with Mary, I feel like I know her really well. The stories, and vacation picures you shared, brought us closer to the woman you love.
My one "Mary memory" is her citrus fennel salad. She had brought it to John's BBQ years ago, and that was the first time I had eaten fennel! She was nice enough to share the recipe, and I have been making it ever since. I even planned fennel in my garden so I could have a steady supply.
I cannot begin to understand how hard this must be for you, just know that she is always looking out for you.
Sending our prayers your way. --DB
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Oh Pat, I am so sorry that you lost her. No one could have provided more love and care than you did. One thing I will always remember is that while you worked very hard on the PLC project, meetings absolutely could not run late on nights when you and Mary had dinner plans, and her birthday (as well as the jewelry shopping before her birthday)took precedence over any work commitment. I've always admired what a priority you were for each other, and the joy you had in showing us the pictures from your many adventures. You truly were meant for each other. I'm sending you my love and prayers.--Nancy
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Pat & family, my thoughts & prayers are with you. Mary fought a courageous battle these past months. May she rest in peace now, and we can all look back with wonderful memories.
I have only known Mary a short time, helping out with travels to & from Stanford. she was a truly remarkable lady. Seeing these pix are a great testament to a truly remarkable lady. Gayla
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I have only known Mary a short time, helping out with travels to & from Stanford. she was a truly remarkable lady. Seeing these pix are a great testament to a truly remarkable lady. Gayla
My Afternoon with the Turtledoves
A couple of years ago, the Farmers got together at Peter and Diana’s house on Cape Cod. One afternoon the group split up, with one group heading off to Provincetown and another touring locally. My wife Sandy went with the Provincetown group, but I decided to go shopping and get started sautéing ingredients for “Brother Louie’s Dish”—an old favorite of the Farmers that Sandy and I had volunteered to cook.
Months earlier Mary had flashed her amazing smile and—with her knack for understatement—owned that she’d become “a bit of a Foodie.” Seeing my quizzical expression, she told me about her love of cooking. That afternoon at Cape Cod, she asked if she could be my “sou chef.” I think we both enjoyed the irony in that, as my culinary aspirations typically involve trying something to liven up scrambled eggs. But I knew I would enjoy this: Mary brought so much enthusiasm and joy to the kitchen—and she only offered, never pushed. She was so soft-spoken and disarming, a lady of considerable grace.
But first, a shopping trip: me, Mary (the sou chef), and Pat (Man Friday to the sou chef). We found the basics at the local market, but then we happened on a gourmet shop with an extensive wine collection and, frankly, I had no idea what was in store. I figured we should grab several bottles of wine and be gone. As it was, we spent well over an hour. Over and over I heard “ooh, ooh, come look what I found” from either Mary or Pat, flitting around the shop like doves in springtime. By the time we left we had enough wine and gourmet treats for the evening—and enough to keep Peter and Diana lubricated for another week.
Foodies gone wild? Maybe so. But, looking back, I think both had seen enough of life to know: Tomorrow is not given. They found each other in mid life, and they marinated such moments with the enthusiasms that they came to share.-- Bernie W, April 15, 2010
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Last time I talked with Mary, in Bali, she talked about how much joy you'd brought to her life since ya'll had gotten back together. It was so clear and touching how much she loved you. How blessed the two of you were to be together as much as you were. She will be missed by all but I'm sure no more than by you. And at the same time she will always be there with you.-- Steve S
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How sad you must be! I am so very sorry for your loss!
Mary was truly a special woman and I’m so very proud to have known her. I can still remember like it was yesterday the first day she came to see you at KLA. You were giddy with excitement! Keep those memories close to your heart as you grieve and heal. You will heal from this loss in time!
Godspeed to you and your family dear friend, --Stacey H
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Deep dreams of prayer are songs that hold all of us within this strong/fragile universe. What little we understand is that we all sing even as we carry breath and as we lose our breath into the continuing wonder.
We hold you and we hold Mary in her shimmering song.
Much love,
Louise and Mick
We hold you and we hold Mary in her shimmering song.
Much love,
Louise and Mick
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I wanted you to know that my favorite expression I got from Mary was the Nausea Alert Facial Expression and a few words warning me that you and Dan were about to "hurl" at my treasured Coleman Connolly Surgery Stories. The look was only for me, stopped me in my tracks, so was very effective. I needed the warning because I had no idea. This occurred over brunch and hang out at the Neighborhood Cafe in St. Paul.
By the way Mary had exquisite taste in clothing and your photos display that so well!
Mary Jo
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You two had such an amazing romance. I have never seen two people so in love with each other as you. I grieve for you, Pat. You have many wonderful memories to help sustain you in your loss.
And I have lost a wonderful friend. Mary contributed to my life, as well as so many other people's lives.
I will miss her so much.
Hugs and much love,
Marge
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I can't put into words how l feel. You and Mary are like family to me. Please know I am here for you and will do anything for you. All you have to do is call. Please know that you are very special to me and take care of yourself.
I'll be in touch.
Love,
Marite
I'll be in touch.
Love,
Marite
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I would like to express my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife. It is my hope that your many fond memories of her will bring you comfort.
Best regards
Renate
Best regards
Renate
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Dear Pat.........there are no words to express well our sincere condolences for the loss of Mary. She fought the battle well........and did it with grace. We pray that you and the extended family will be able to carry on without her. Please keep us informed of any Los Gatos memorial service. And we would be pleased to join you for a "celebration of her life" later. --David K
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For the past several days, the tears have flowed as I read your blog entries. I also cannot believe that Mary is gone, especially after it seemed only a few weeks ago that she had beaten the cancer. I know we didn't get many opportunities to spend time due to distance, but it was always wonderful to think about you two together again after so many years apart -- the fairy tale that hardly ever happens in real life. I can clearly remember the fun when you were together the first time around, tobogganing in Highland Park, sitting around a fire roasting marshmallows, and oh, the adolescent drama we were so good at when she went off to St. Ben's. I am so glad you had the time together that you did, even though it was way too short. I enjoy thinking about your beautiful wedding and the fun we had when you joined us in Squaw Valley. We are thinking about you a lot and grieving for your loss. We'll be watching for further information. Take care, dear friend.--Susan
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Sincerest sympathy for your loss of Mary.
Her death is a loss to all of us who knew
her, but has to be most poignant to you.
I concelebrate Mass almost every day and
will offer them for her and for you.
She was a sweet, strong woman. God bless
her and you.
Peace and love,
Old Pat
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One of the memories of Mary that I have that has grown stronger over the years because I appreciate the dilemna even more (knowing what kind of cook Mary is), happened before you two got married. I'm sure you remember this one, also.
We had been invited to Phoenix for Thanksgiving dinner to Mary's apartment. But Mary, prior to our arrival, had discovered to her horror a scorpion in her kitchen. (How dare he?) So she had called the exterminator who arrived on Monday morning to fumigate the area and take care of any more such critters. What Mary didn't know was that she had to put the kitchen into lock-down mode for three days. So this gourmet cook who had all these guests arriving from various parts of the country for Thanksgiving dinner could do nothing until Thanksgiving morning. But everything got washed, prepared, cooked, baked, sauteed, whatever and she served a truly wonderful meal.
The other story I remember you told me over the phone. When one of the granddaughters - I don't know if it was Madelyn or Emma, was about 2 and a little fussy, she told you to sit down with her and read her the titles of the recipes in a cookbook! Not the way I was raised! -- Maureen
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Sincerest heartfelt sympathy, Pat. An incalculable loss.
Mary was loving, kind, generous, smart, funny-one could
go on with laudatory adjectives for quite a while, you more
the rest of us.
I wish I could make it to the memorial service in St. Paul;
But anything beyond St. Cloud is impractical for me. I
concelebrate Mass almost every day and will remember
Mary regularly then.
For some reason, your server didn't accept this message
when I sent it yesterday. I hope this makes it, Pat, and
assures you of my prayers and good thoughts for you as
well as for Mary.
Peace,
Pat the Old
Mary was loving, kind, generous, smart, funny-one could
go on with laudatory adjectives for quite a while, you more
the rest of us.
I wish I could make it to the memorial service in St. Paul;
But anything beyond St. Cloud is impractical for me. I
concelebrate Mass almost every day and will remember
Mary regularly then.
For some reason, your server didn't accept this message
when I sent it yesterday. I hope this makes it, Pat, and
assures you of my prayers and good thoughts for you as
well as for Mary.
Peace,
Pat the Old
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your posts, your "situation", so bring me back to the time of Doug, my partner's death. At that time there were no magic bullets, so we knew the inevitable end. We had a good year and a half to prepare. There is a grace in knowing the end is coming. Being able to confront it with the luxury of preparation is, in my mind, a gift. I am glad you had time to prepare. It makes the last breath no more bearable, that is for sure, nor the absence which follows. Doug and I were together 15 years. He died in my arms. It was a gift.
I was reminded of course of how precious life is during the entire process. As he declined he required a lot of care at home. There was little he could do...but, within those tight parameters dictated by his disease, everyday was an opportunity to watch the birds at the feeder, discover a new piece of music...something small, but wonderful. He chose to die, to stop the feedings thru the tubes so, again, we were prepared. He was, similarly, on a variety of drips, finally morphine....
That was in 1992. It's been a long time. How memory serves, and carries. How my one thought was, after his death, to live a worthy life, to live in a sense for him. He was 35.
In the long ride to the airport today, I was hooked up to the i-pod, listening to my favorite music, going in and out of conscious, thinking of Mary, being with her, and you, in that special place which exits beyond time and place. It was wonderful to have those moments with her. I know I will drift into this reverie once again on the flight from here to Korea.
In Zen practice there is one form of meditation called "walking zazen"....I have come to think of my life that way, moments of meditation in movement, directed by the now of such events as Mary's journey coming to an end. All thought, all prayer, all existence for me leads to praise of God, a single note, which is our life, and our death. Mary has brought me to the center again. And again, I say, thanks be to god she had you as such a singular presence in her life.
I cannot help but think that those of us from the farm are generating an intense amount of light and comfort, surrounding you and Mary at this time. Even as I sit here in the lounge, trying to hide my tears from the other travelers, rejoicing in her life, in your love, and in very presence of the divine through it all.--Greg
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I am so sorry that Mary is gone. She was very very special to me and I had real hope that she would recover and we would see her again. You and Reenie have been very strong for Mary and I know she got such good, loving care from both of you. Here are some pictures of Mary, I hope you will enjoy them.
Hugs, Marigene
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Your blogs and the email to Hank and Kath
have been inspiring and harrowing. It's hard
for me to know what to write-not good for one
in my profession. Sympathy, of course. And
that's sincerely heartfelt. But it seems so weak.
I admire immensely Mary's grit in fighting the
beast within. And I admire as much your guts
in accompanying her on a rough, rough journey.
Memories of her: her knowing smile, somewhat
ironic, somewhat indulgent; her mind, which,
when appropriate, could cut to the heart of a
matter; her gentleness with folks who were
hurting.. Lots of other admirable qualities, but
these spring immediately to mind.
God bless her. And God bless you, Pat, for your
devotion to her.
Peace and love,
Pat the Old
have been inspiring and harrowing. It's hard
for me to know what to write-not good for one
in my profession. Sympathy, of course. And
that's sincerely heartfelt. But it seems so weak.
I admire immensely Mary's grit in fighting the
beast within. And I admire as much your guts
in accompanying her on a rough, rough journey.
Memories of her: her knowing smile, somewhat
ironic, somewhat indulgent; her mind, which,
when appropriate, could cut to the heart of a
matter; her gentleness with folks who were
hurting.. Lots of other admirable qualities, but
these spring immediately to mind.
God bless her. And God bless you, Pat, for your
devotion to her.
Peace and love,
Pat the Old
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I just caught up on the news on your blog. I had not seen your email about Mary’s change of condition until this afternoon and then tonight saw your post on facebook about how much things have changed in the past few days. I want you to know that we are thinking of you tonight and sending you our prayers and love. You know, every time I think of you and Mary and picture you on your wedding day walking up the aisle to the strains of “The Bright Side of the Road.” It always makes me smile.
Lots of love from all of us
Nancy* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Mary holds a unique part of my heart. As part of the “farm” (our experimental college effort at Saint John’s and Saint Benedicts Universities.) I first met her as a young college student. From the first day I met her I was struck by her effervescent enthusiasm for life. It was easy to recognize her intelligence; she was a very smart person. But even beyond this, I knew it would be a pleasure to work with her, she would always be on the right side of any issue, she would always be positive, and we would be better off for having her as part of the experience.
This was now 40 years ago. I have not seen her since. In my mind she remains a young energetic college student, full of enthusiasm and with her engaging beautiful smile.
Rich T
Farmer ‘69
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We have been following the blog, and are so sorry for what you are going through and for Mary's situation. Looking at the pictures is a great reminder of the wonderful times you two shared and the way you made up for lost time once you got back together. It's hard to find words to express our sympathy but please try to feel the big hug and to take pleasure in the joy you two share and spread to those around you.
Tom and Susan
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Hi Pat, Debbie and I extend our deepest sympathies to you and your family. In Mary's remembrance, may God give you and your family strength to go forward.--Brad
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I'm sorry I never got a chance to really meet her, I remember your wonder words about being with the girl of your dreams, and how long it took to meet her.
My families condolences to you. -- Mark
My families condolences to you. -- Mark
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First, my thanks to you and Mary for showing us the way to go. Mary’s was very difficult, but she was surrounded by love and supported by friends, family, and mostly by spouse. In a lot of ways, it does not get any better than that. Take care of yourself now, Pat. Rough seas ahead, I am sure.
My memories of Mary are focused on The Farm…..I only saw her a couple of times in the 41 years since graduation.
We Farmers started out with a bunch of high-falutin ideas about the nature of education, life, etc, etc. But the rubber met the road every single night at dinnertime. We had a commitment to the communal thing, and that included a commitment to gather together for dinner (breakfast and lunch were catch as catch can). The 16 of us divided into four teams of four members each. The system was simple: cook dinner for one week (including menu planning and shopping), take a week off, clean up after dinner for one week, take a week off, repeat cycle. Memory fails me as to who was on each team. But one clear memory was that it was very important to Mary that the presentation of the meal was well done --- places as nicely set as our means would allow, a bit of table decoration, and so forth. And that clean up be rigorous and thorough. Singlehandedly, I am sure she prevented any number of basic kitchen sanitation disasters that might have run up our toilet paper bill to unmanageable levels.
Another memory: we liked to dance the Hora as a group, whenever the spirit moved us in that direction……or at least what we called the Hora. The best description, perhaps: “energetic, enthusiastic”. Mary was VERY good at it, light on her feet, a brilliant smile. I think we were never so much a community as when we danced.
In that spirit, here is a reading that I like a lot. Give it a look in the days ahead.
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